I'm a Loner and Perfectly Fine With It.

Source of image: Unsplash

I’ve heard the older you get, the fewer friends you have. I believe that no one has many friends but few friends, a loving family and lots of acquaintances they know in their life.

I definitely feel old even though I’ll turn 25 in a few weeks. I feel my soul is old from overcoming lots of battles and obstacles in life. It was a curse and a blessing. It helped made me realize what’s important and not important in my life. That useless drama is just lots of useless, extra stress over my head, that I don’t need nor will benefit from.

The reason why I’m a loner is that I don’t surround myself with just anybody. I'm very selective with who I invite in my private life. I don’t want to hang around with shallow people who go to parties every week and get drunk and do stupid things. I don’t want to be around cold people with dry personalities where you can only have shallow, small conversations with.

I’d die out of boredom.

Some will say you can’t make friends if you’re a loner.
Believe me. I have tried.

I made friends who weren’t the smartest. I tried so hard to blend in with people. However, they would get mad at me for the smallest, silliest stuff or never kept their promises or only took advantage of me by asking for advice just to leave again. What was that for? It’s hard to make friends with gifted, smart, authentic people. It's possible to find them, but it'll be hard, I think.

Growing up in my teenage years I was eager to make friends. It was hard because the people around me were reserved and private. How will I be social if everybody around me were private and reserved? I used to show kindness and openness to people but ended up getting hurt badly. I’ve been betrayed before.

I even cared a lot about how I looked like.
I had an interest in beauty and always straightened my natural, curly hair. I enjoyed going to the city and do lots of shopping. Today I don’t wear makeup so anymore nor straighten my curly hair daily. I don’t care if I don’t look the prettiest without it. I only wear makeup on rare occasions.
You want to know what makes me peaceful and happy?

Being a loner. I’ve honestly not been happier. I enjoy my own presence because I can be 100% myself without anyone who can influence me badly. I get rid of all the drama and stress. I’d rather wander around the nature listening to beautiful, peaceful music without a vocal voice in it and clear my head out from dirt as I am self-connecting myself on the beautiful side of nature with tranquility and silence.

I’d rather sit in my home after work just to see family-friendly movies that bring the wholesome, childlike in me while sketching on my sketchbook and letting my creativity unfold. I’d rather write in my journal while drinking hot tea during fall/winter. I find these moments precious and important for my happiness.

Being the loner I am, I realize what’s important and not important. I can meditate deeply on how I can improve every aspect of my life whether it’s my skills, work, life, and the list goes on.

The more I enjoy my own company the more I stay true to who I am. It has helped me standing on my ground and to not change my character just to please other people, once I’m around them. It taught me I’d rather be alone than be around bad people who make me feel lonely and miserable. Many people have disappointed me and only a few good souls stayed with me, no matter what.

I’m not anti-social, though. I believe being anti-social can be detrimental to you. You push good, potential friends away who can help you when you need someone with good resources. The wish of getting married can take a long time to accomplish if you’re anti-social. In fact, if you’re anti-social, it makes people think you’re rude and not an open soul. That’s a bad thing. Have you ever greeted someone who is like a closed book? Where you can’t reach the person because she/he seems mad and closed off and you find them rude? Not because they had a bad day, but because that’s who they are? That’s what I‘m talking about. I mean, do you want people to get a good impression of you or bad impression of you? It can be detrimental for your social life, if you’re anti-social and pushes everyone away, probably due to unhealed past traumas.

You can be a social person and still a loner. Because we are simply social beings. It’s in our biology to be social. If you were the only human back on the planet you’ll become severely depressed and insane. As I said you can be a social person and still be a loner

You can be sociable when the opportunity comes and later on detach yourself from the world so you can re-charge and re-connect yourself. Once I’m around people I am sociable and have the social skills I need to create a social network of people. In the end, when it comes to my privacy I am a loner who enjoys spending time with myself. Some people are afraid of being alone. They’re not used to spend the time of their own and enjoy their own company. For some people, it’s hard to be alone, even if it’s only for about a few hours of free time. I never really had a hard time being alone because I don’t see it as being alone when I enjoy my own company. I truly enjoy just sitting on a couch, wrapped in a blanket and read a great book that takes me to another world as I am drinking hot tea/chocolate. If some people enjoy my company and who I truly am, then I will let them into my private, utopia life if they have proved that they’re worthy of being in my life.

I enjoy the company of my own, family and a few loyal friends plus a loyal pet. I don’t need more than that. I don’t need 100 fake friends and going to parties every week to make me happy. I don’t need to go shopping with 5 female friends in a city to be happy. I just feel like an old soul who is disinterest in the activities that people in my age group likes doing. Because it doesn’t fulfill the hole in my soul and makes me unsatisfied.

I need less. Less makes me happy and gives me the peace I need.

No comments