It’s Okay To Be Mean When It’s Necessary

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I’ll always roll my eyes when people tell me to always be kind, even to those who hurt me. I used to be the kind one who never answered back or defended myself with words, because of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being seen as the “mean” one. I was afraid of answering back at them. It took lots of practice for me to go through that fear and be robust when I defend myself.

Today I could care a dime what everyone thinks of me and answering back is an easy job now. It’s a hard thing to do and I’d rather not do it, but it’s hard for people to not have an arrogant attitude. When someone is being cruel to me for no reason I’d fight them back with words that hurt the core of their soul. That’s how they’ll gain empathy (hopefully)

Yes, it’s mean, but isn’t it also mean for them to hurt you in the first place for no reason? I don’t care if it’s your close friend who snapped at you because she/he had a bad day or a stranger/bully who tries to tease you. What makes it okay for them to be cruel to you for no reason, but you can’t be cruel with a good reason?

No matter how good you can be, people will always find something negative about you and you’ll never be good enough.

When I say it’s okay to be mean, I don’t mean that you should go looking for troubles and just fight everyone around you unreasonably, not even those who are taller and stronger than you. That’s just being a stupid idiot.

Even you have to be careful who you mess with. Don’t ever look for troubles just to look cool.
It’s okay to be mean when you have no choice but to defend yourself. If that makes you mean, then so be it. I’d call having it's self-respect and dignity. I know that when you choose to be kind and not reply back, you’d feel miserable later on for not saying anything to put that person in his/her place. You’ll keep asking yourself why you didn’t do anything to defend yourself. You’ll start overthinking to the point you get angry because you’re sad and frustrated for not doing anything and their cruel words keep haunting your head.


That’s why I think “Be kind” hippy wisdom is rubbish. You haven’t defended yourself and therefor you have allowed the people to continuously hurt you. You tell them it’s okay what they’re doing. It’s okay they hurt you like that.

When you defend yourself, you show them that you’re not stupid but smart. Smart enough to defend yourself and put them in their place. Trust me, they will understand once you answer back at them and they will leave you alone. That gives you peace. Sometimes there has to be a war before there will be peace. Defend yourself. That’s what makes you STRONG.

Be kind and good to your loved ones in your tribe.
Be mean and tough to the cruel strangers in the woods.

Abusive family members are cruel strangers too. You still have to defend yourself against them even if they are your family members. You still have to defend yourself when you have a friend who keeps snapping back at you for no reason then ditch them. They are not your real friends. Having arguments and disagreements with your family and friends is normal. Them being after you and snapping at you out of the blue is not normal. Their goal is just to be after you and destroy you. Your loved ones are the compassionate family members and friends that you have. Be good to them. Be good to strangers who are kind and compassionate to you. Be good to those who deserve it.

It’s not an easy task to defend yourself at first if you’re a fearful person. Believe me, I have been there, but you’ll get used to it. You can do it even if your voice shakes at first with many practices in real life. You will master it.

The sad part is some of the bullies/idiots have never received their karma and been out in place. People today are very afraid of defeating the bullies/idiots. No one has never done anything about it. The bullies/idiots have never received consequences for their actions because people are too scared to answer back. I find it very sad, that the idiots get away with it.

You can be mean and tough in many ways. Sometimes in a demeaning or aggressive way to remind them that you’re not to be messed with. Sometimes by just ignoring the person and pretend to be busy. It gives you the power because they don’t receive the reaction they wanted because you’re unbothered and calm.
You have to figure it out yourself. Figure out when and how to defend yourself. Sometimes defending yourself just comes naturally to you. Defend and reply back naturally. Sometimes curse back at the idiots with insults or if a stranger asks you a very personal question in the middle of a nowhere or busy situation you can just say “That’s none of your business. Period.” Or “Why does that matter to you? I’m not here to have a personal conversation. I don’t know who you are.”


They even get dissociated in a moment because they didn’t expect you to put them in their place. They get weirded out and feel awkward. It’s shocking for them. But they’ll soon respect you enough to leave you alone.

A little love advice for the ladies out there:
Men like a lady who defends herself when she is being disrespected. Isn't that great? Take it as a compliment. It’s attractive to men. They are attracted to a lady with self-respect like that.
I know some women would take this to the extreme and call it “street harassment" when a guy says “Hi.” which is too silly. Just ignore and walk away in that. Don’t be too sensitive and defensive in that situation. Unless the guy has stalked you for a very long time that’s when you should take it seriously.

We all have good and bad sides. Use the bad side when it’s life-threatening and necessary in a situation where you’re being disrespected. Always. Love yourself enough to defend yourself, when you have done nothing wrong to the person, but just innocently minding your own business and being yourself. Even go to a self-defense sport so you know how to defend yourself when someone suddenly chooses to attack you.

If you’re a parent I’d say it’s a great idea for your child or children to learn any self-defense sport or martial art. See it as an important tool for your children so they can protect themselves from bullies because it’s unlikely the teacher will do anything to stop the bullying. This will make them grow into a strong, self-controlled, disciplined adults. Teach them to be both physically (self-defense) and mentally strong.

Respect yourself so much that you won’t let anyone bring you down. Answer back and you’ll be able to sleep peacefully knowing you have defended yourself in a situation with a clown with low self-esteem.

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