You Have No Obligation To Stay With Your Toxic Family

Photo by Matthew_t_rader on Unsplash

When we see the first sign of a friend or partner being toxic - We leave them.
With our family members - It's a challenge.

Why is it a challenge for us?
Because they are our family and stays permanent in our life.

You can block your toxic friend or partner, but you can't block your toxic family member if you live with them. They are in your face all the time, and you have no choice but to fight with them and they will never see their own fault. They'll always blame you for their own mess. You didn't deserve to go through the pain your family caused you. We grow up thinking it's an obligation to stay with our family for the rest of our lives, but sometimes they make our lives for the worst.

The reason they have this abusive behavior is that their own parents allowed them to be cruel or have inherited their own abusive parent's behavior and their parent's abusive behavior was inherited from their own parents. The cycle has continued for generations to generations. It doesn't mean you should continue the cycle of abusive and toxic behavior. You have the change to stop that pattern and save your own children from being harmed like you did.

If you cut them out of your life and happens to feel more alive, happier and joyful from cutting the toxic family members off, then wait till someone in your family tries to "get you back" by being friendly. They'll approach you innocently, because they no longer have anyone to suck energy from after you left, so they feel empty. Now they are trying to get you back so they can suck your energy and feed off your energy again.

That's why people feel drained, lifeless, and empty from living in a toxic environment. The energy vampires in your family suck your good energy off.

If this happens to you, you have to be smart and think ahead. Don't fall into their deceptive trap. They are luring you into a trap. Ignore them or tell them to get the hell away. You have to be strong and cold of their feelings. Why care about their feelings when they don't care about your feelings? If they aren't relevant in your life, then it's not an obligation to invite them back into your life. You have to be a little selfish to protect yourself. Think about yourself first and build a healthy life on your own. They made it clear that you're the black sheep of the family and you refuse to be treated differently.

Just because they're your family, doesn't mean you have an obligation to stay in their life.
I mean, would you say the same thing to those who murder their own family for no reason?
Those who sexually molested a minor relative in their family?
Should you feel an obligation to let those evil family members stay in your family?

Now it's normal to have family argues and disagreements once in a while. That's part of having a family. We are human beings. Siblings fights, that's normal, but it's up to the parents to stop them from fighting against each other and have them stand with each other against the world. However when it starts to become toxic and abusive, then it's an unsafe environment you need to run away from. Work hard enough to fight for your freedom and earn enough money to have your own place. Never go back to what caused you harm. Go forward to what will give you happiness.

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you."
-" On Children." by Kahlil Gibran.

You can forgive them but not forget what they've done to you.

I don't think any parents deserve to have children if they aren't fully mature and good by heart. They make the world more unsafe for their children if they harm their children - Whether it's physically or verbally. It's completely unacceptable to treat all your children differently where the other one gets all the love and attention and the second one gets neglected and treated like dirt.

The truth is we don't choose to be born and choose our own family. I don't care about those spiritual people who say you have chosen a family before you were born. I find that to be a bunch of garbage. It's like saying it's our own fault for choosing a toxic family that has caused us harm. Hearing that kills us even more as if we were to blame for being abused.

We are born into this world with an unchosen family of our own. Maybe we were born into a negative family that'll teach us many important life lessons. They teach us everything we shouldn't be. They teach us to not be negative and abusive. They teach us to not blame others but to take our own responsibility for our actions. They teach us to not hit children.
Because they're a good example of everything we should not be in this world.

They teach you to stand up for yourself. They blame you for everything and only talk down on you, yet you slowly begin to stand up for yourself as you get older. You become robust and tougher. You grow a thick skin. You refuse to be disrespected and it's great to practice standing up for yourself on your own negative family. See them as practice. That practice is something you can use in the real world too. Once you don't allow them to hurt you and touch you again, you become powerful.

Yes, it's painful that your own family has broken your heart many times and betrayed you a hundred times. You don't deserve that, but you definitely have learned a lot from battling against them. There are so many life lessons you have learned from them. Just like you learn a lesson from a heartbreak and betrayal of your friends.

Blood is really thicker than water, but that statement doesn't matter if your family doesn't want the best for you, but to see you fail. Loyalty and support are what makes someone your family. You can be lucky to find people who care more about you than your own family. You can be lucky to have a family who cares more about you than your abusive partner or friend. You're lucky if you have a loving family who supports you and doesn't make you feel alone in this world. For those who come from a dysfunctional family, it's another story.

Sometimes, those who are unrelated to you are your true family. They are loyal and supportive of you.

Sometimes they care more about you than your own family cares about you. I will call them my soul/spirit family.

You have a tribe of good people who loves you.

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