What Heartbreak Has Taught Me

Photo by Carol Oliver on Unsplash

To love someone is a blessing and a curse. Loving someone gives you a sense of comfort and peace until you become heartbroken. It's like a knife cut through your heart and you've still managed to survive after the heartbreak. Being heartbroken is pure hell. You can't sleep at night. You lost appetite. You've lost hope in life. Living without your other half is a nightmare you don't want to become a reality. You thought you're gonna live with the person for the rest of your life. It's hard to find someone like your ex in the moment of heartbreak. You feel confused in life and don't know what to do with yourself. All the plans you both had for the future have died. It doesn't exist anymore. As painful the heartbreak is, it has also taught you meaningful, important lessons in life that you can carry on next time you're dating someone.

It has taught me to love myself before loving anyone else first. You can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself first. You can’t put the other person on the pedestal. You can’t just hate yourself and expect the other person to give you the love you can’t offer for yourself. You have to be in a relationship with yourself first. You need to be in a romance with yourself first. Love yourself so much you want to kiss your own hand. No one can love and treat you the way you deserve to be loved and treated. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated.

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
- Oscar Wilde.

Love yourself and other people will sense your self-love and dignity. They can feel your energy has changed. You care about yourself now and they can feel it energetically. They can feel that you don't care about themselves anymore. You care about you and your health and wellness now. You should matter first. Be your own best friend first.

Heartbreak has taught me that you can’t keep waiting for the other person to love you back. You have to be prepared to be disappointed. You have to be prepared to be betrayed. People's love for you can change instantly. If they don’t want to stay in your life then you need to open the door for them to leave. Heartbreak is like a funeral: You have to bury the relationship, memories, and love you had with the person. It’s painful to say goodbye but you need to do it because the love is dead now. The person won’t come back. Their love for you won’t come back. It’s over. There is no benefit from watering the dead flower.

Heartbreak has taught me that you need to be separated for a while before coming back together again. This time both of you are better than before. You start to appreciate each other more. Your relationship has improved. You needed the distance to reflect and understand why things happened the way it did with both of you. Those silly argue and fights didn’t make it worse; it made it better. Because it’s through the fight and argues that you get to know each other better. You’ve seen each other at your worst and still stayed. You realize breaking each other’s heart over silly things is a waste of time. It’s not worth it.

Heartbreak has taught me that you can’t love someone and be attached to them. You can love someone without being attached to them. Detach from them. Give them space to be who they are. If you’re attached to them, then don’t be surprised if they back away from you. They sense your attachment to them. You have a life and your significant others have a life of their own too. Love them and let them live their life the way they want without you being glued to them all the time. Trust them enough to live their life and come back to you naturally.

You've probably heard this before: Chasing a cat is an attachment too. If you chase the cat, the cat will run away. If you ignore the cat, the cat will come to you. That’s how it works in this situation. Stop chasing your partner and checking upon them all the time. They will be scared and run away quicker than you know. I know you do it out of love and because you care for them but remember, they aren't babies. They can take care of themselves. Show your concerns and worries that are normal. It's okay to be concerned if they went into an incident or had a horrible day for example. Just don't babysit them all the time.

"Let go and let God."
- Unknown.

Heartbreak has taught me to let go. Letting go in the beginning was the hardest thing to do. You love the person so much you’re scared to live a life without them. You think you can’t live without them until years later when you live your life to the fullest and realize how you still managed to move on. Letting go is like letting go of a rope. The more you grab and hold on the more pain you'll feel. Let them go like you let go of a bird and the bird will land on your hand again after a while or it won't land on your hand again but both have to be okay for you. It has to be okay if they come back or not. It's okay if someone better comes along. Trust the process that everything will turn out alright in the end.

Heartbreak has taught me you need to be careful who you pick. Everyone can show their best form in the beginning. As months and years goes by, they start to show their true colors that you didn't expect to see. That's why you need to be fully aware, smart and sense people's energy from the beginning. Listen to the tone of their voice, see how they talk to other people, listen if people warn you about staying away from them, see how they treat children and animals, look at their body language. Notice everything before you make the decision to be committed to them. You never know if you get betrayed or abused later on from the one you thought would never hurt you. If they disrespect you, make you feel drained out, and not valued, seen or heard, then run away quickly.

If you’re religious then you should put God first before anyone else, as God can heal you from your heartbreak. How? I don’t know. God works in mysterious ways. Only God knows how to help you move on quickly and find someone better for you. You may be confused and ask God why God removed the one you loved the most but sometimes God removes your partner because God has someone better to replace. Sometimes God knows what's best for us even if we can't see it at the moment. God gives you someone not because so you can live a long life with them, but because they will be in your life temporary to give you some life lessons before walking out of your life. People arrive in our life to teach us something and departs from our lives again.

Heartbreak taught me to set boundaries. You can’t let someone continue to disrespect you. You need a limit. The more you let someone hurt you the more you cause pain to yourself. Don't make excuses as to why they're good people (which is untrue and a load of bullocks) If they're good people they wouldn't cause you pain and suffering. Learn to say no and fight back if you're being disrespected. After that, leave them for good. Don't hate yourself so much that you allow someone to treat you like dirt. Don't do this to yourself. Love yourself so much you're willing to leave without second-guessing. Love yourself enough to protect yourself.

Heartbreak has taught me that the pain and sadness from getting your heartbroken WILL be over. It's only a temporary feeling. It's not gonna last forever. Sure you can still remember the person and the memories but you're no longer in intense emotional pain like you were in the beginning. It has taught me that you CAN and WILL move on after the heartbreak. The intense emotional pain will not haunt you for years, because time heals all the pain. You're still living, you're still alive. You've healed from the pain. You have overcome the pain. You realized you WILL find someone who is your other half one day. Someone who is better than your ex and is more on a vibrational match like you. You'll realize it was a good thing you aren't with your ex anymore, because how else will you meet the fantastic, amazing, wonderful partner that you have and won't trade for anyone else?

We should allow ourselves to experience heartbreak. Not to hurt ourselves, but because they're there to teach us something. Don't think "Why am I experiencing heartbreak every time?" instead think "What is this heartbreak trying to teach me? What do I need to do better?"

Heartbreak is a blessing and a curse. Most of all, it's there to teach us something we didn't know about ourselves and others.

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